The ability to negotiate shapes how we relate to others. When we equip students with this skill, we set them up to thrive both socially and academically. We teach them that, while they cannot always get what they want, engaging in healthy discussion can lead to agreement. My team has developed a lesson-based method that draws on the work of Dale Carnegie, Paul Watzlawick and Rafael Echeverría.
Listen before you speak
Attentive listening builds trust, Carnegie writes in How to Win Friends and Influence People. In negotiation, it can open the door to dialogue.
Tip: invite students to summarise their peers’ arguments before responding. This helps reduce tension and highlights common ground.
Not communicating is impossible
Silences, evasive glances and defiant attitudes all convey messages. Teach students about non-verbal communication to help them recognise that they influence others even without speaking.
- Tip: teach students to identify nonverbal cues in a negotiation (gestures, pauses, tone). I do this through the analysis of basic emotional expressions using images from Paul Ekman’s Telling Lies: Clues to Deceit in the Marketplace, Politics, and Marriage.
- In a group project, if a student does not participate, instead of assuming they agree, bring them into the conversation by saying, “What do you think? I want to make sure I hear your voice before we decide.”
From positions to interests
Many students think in black-and-white terms: “I either win or lose.” Echeverría in Ontology of the Language reminds us that language opens possibilities; reframing reveals deeper interests.
- Tip: ask students “What do you value most in this situation?”
- Example: two students argue over who should speak first. Beyond simply wanting to go first, asking this question might establish that one wants to find a way to calm their nerves while the other might want to demonstrate leadership. By making these interests explicit, they can agree on an order that meets both needs.
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Reframe conflict as learning
Carnegie emphasised the importance of “awakening in the other person an eager want.” For young people, this means discovering that negotiation is not about losing power but about strengthening relationships. Negotiating fosters social and emotional learning: students must learn to manage emotions, tolerate frustration and build lasting agreements.
- Tip: demonstrate how an agreement benefits the entire group.
- Example: when negotiating classroom rules, students can see that respecting them is not merely about obeying the teacher but about creating an environment where everyone can express themselves.
When students practise negotiation, they develop skills that they can use beyond the classroom: the ability to coexist with differing opinions, to make responsible decisions and to participate actively in democratic life. Students who feel heard and able to influence others are more motivated to learn.
On a course I run, we dedicate a specific negotiation session to educating students on these four “pillars” of communication:
- Choose an appropriate space: for example, instead of a hallway, choose a private setting, such as an office.
- Ensure that participants have time for the discussion: begin the conversation by asking, “Do you have 10 minutes to talk about x?” This helps you determine whether it is a good moment to address the situation or if it would be better to discuss it later.
- Be clear about the topic: open up the discussion by saying, “I’d like to talk to you about x.” This allows the person you are speaking to to prepare mentally.
- Conclude by confirming understanding and clarifying: ask questions such as: “What have you taken away from what I’ve said?”
As they reflect on discussions, students begin to identify their own and their peers’ communication errors. Once aware, they can make changes that strengthen their ability to reach agreements. This becomes a source of personal and social growth.
Negotiation is not merely a conflict-prevention tactic; it is a tool for developing empathetic citizens with strong collaborative skills. Teach students to listen, identify underlying interests, and reframe conflict as an opportunity for learning, paving the way for effective communication in their adult lives.
Elisa González is a counsellor and instructor at CETYS University, Mexico.
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